jeLLy w0RLd

labor holi me...

another public holiday which makes no difference for me. bcoz been home lazing for too many days. though i've been out for consecutive 3days (wedn, thurs and fri), reaching home without feeling a sense of "I'M HOME!".

the walls are cold. every corner is quiet.

hav been thinking lotsa time abt: "is this my home?", "where's mummy?"

frens been telling me not to stay home all the time, or else, i'll be more depressed. should go walk ard outside. breathe some fresh air. spend some time alone.

i've spent too much time alone le, esp at home.

i wouldnt mind falling sick. die loh, i dont care anymore. mum's fav line.

i want attention. from frens, whoever. bcoz mum wont be nagging at me again. her lips are sealed.

though i was out with uncle yesterday, i was happy. bcoz got a companion. but not for long. jus 3hrs. once again, his mind is not with me. he's got appt with cilent at 6+pm. it's a sunday! yet u cant accompany me for more.

we drove past kong meng san on the way to thomson plaza. he asked if i wanna visit mum. i yelled "NO!" bcoz knowing that he would want to say sth to her.

1st goal post: i dint feel sad when passing kms.

but then, i cried terribly when passing kms back home. i wetted one whole piece of tissue. also bcoz, i was holding onto a bottle of water chestnut drink, which reminded me how mum's skills. i missed her herbal drink esp this water chestnut bcoz da-sao dunno how to make. i missed mum's curry fish head too.

actually, there's other ways to get to thomson plaza. but dunno why he must pass kms.

now, home alone again. da-sao brought ying to istana. father and er-ge went out together. da-ge in ntu revising for his tml's papers. uncle still working.

and me, crying again.

gloomy, thunderous sky. my room getting dark. cold walls. quiet. quiet. quiet.

---

i shouldnt bother uncle anymore. weeks ago, he actually officially letting me go. he said that he had wasted my 3yrs though i've been telling him of my family wouldnt accept him no matter what. he admitted that it was himself that wouldnt want to let go of me.

we would still be friends, and he would keep his hands and mind away off me. he allows me to find my soulmate, potential bf/husband.

still, he is worried that i would be tricked. and, demanded to screen the man on whether he would be able to take care of me.

so now, he has given me space, i should be happy. i'm freed! i must learn to live life without him. shouldnt be angry over that he couldnt accompany me due to his unforeseenable working schedule.

however, when will i be smart to live without mummy?...

posted by jellyfishy @ 4:16 pm