jeLLy w0RLd

aching me...

saw the paper made passport, credit cards, cheque, travelling tickets which da-sao jus bought. my heart speared with pins and needles again. tears filling up my eyes.

qingming falls on next wedn. we hav to make offerings to mum on the actual day. due to traditions for "new".

mum is a great $saver. i wondered if she would save this time again. but, this reminds me ta she liked watching tv too especially those with fei yu-ching or feng fei fei. should i get her a paper telly too?

a lot of times, i've been thinking whether she knew abt wat we are doing. jus like last sat was her 3rd 7th day, we had to do chanting. the priest told us to chant louder so that she would get to hear it better esp from her close ones.

even burning those paper money and joss sticks, did she know? did she receive it?

was even wanted to experience it myself. wondering if mum and i would get to meet each other. would she scold me for not keeping promise that i would take care of father and myself.

shit! i dunno what i am driving at?!

anyway, sth interesting that happened on the final nite of the funeral. someone triggered the fiery spark of me.

who else? it's mum's younger sis-in-law. to be exact, her younger bro's wife, who i called ah-geem. i mentioned before in the blog. the one who claimed the coffeestall bankrupted and no compensation made to mum who is one of the $20k shareholder.

what exactly happened that nite?

that morning, i brought up the money issue to da-ge. telling him to speak to the couple and to make sure that they have to tell mum of when are they gonna give us an answer and how much are they compensating.

u reading this might be saying that it had happened soo many years back already, shouldnt be bringing up since she had left. well, i did consider this but i am jus bay-song!

da-ge replied that they had asked him for his contact number so that they would call him someday abt the money issue. also, da-ge mentioned that i should put this aside already bcoz we are of the younger who do not exactly know what is happening and they are our elders. he will handle these himself.

after hearing what da-ge said, i'm somehow still feeling bay-song. not convinced.

as it's the final nite, chanting had to be done and burning of the big paper house. i had been crying everyday at the wake esp in the morning when i got up to greet her. had been telling myself that she's free now. free from medicines. free from injections. she had recovered. she could go anywhere.

but, seeing her leaving alone, wrenched my heart again. would she get lost? get bored? who would hold her hand while walking?...

so, after three rounds of chanting, we are leaving the wake to "send" her the new house. i wasnt tearing during chanting. i was alert and chanted loudly. i broke down again while watching the men uploading the house, bags of her clothes and paper $ onto the lorry.

cousin ping-jie and her mum(mum's da-sao who i greet tua-geem) consoled me that she wont be alone as she would be united with her parents and siblings who were very close.

back at the wake, after "sending" the house, ping-jie and tua-geem consoled me again at where they seated. ping-jie, again convinced me that she would tell her late father to take good care of mum... blah blah blah...

this when that ah-geem came into picture. she, too, walked over to me, with her hand firmly grabbing my left shoulders, consoling. "u must be happy for her. she not suffering anymore. u must take care of urself... let her go peacefully...blah blah blah..." which i felt disgusting listening the rest.

then, i turned to her, saying "okie, to let her go peacefully. pls pay what u owe her."

she flared up. saying, "it's not that i owe hor! it's beyond my limits that the coffeestall to bankrupt hor. ask tua-geem how much i jus compensated. 50k hor."

i didnt get another chance to blurt another word after that bcoz father and da-ge came over to me to stop. i wanted to make it a big drama but they stopped me! spoilers.

then, mum's bro went over to her altar, offering another joss-stick. but, i didnt get up to meddle. and that loud stinker mouth jus went on and on. repeating herself. choked with her tears too. is that her real tears or jus afraid mum would haunt her?

shan and jas. too bad that u2 didnt get to witness this. it's damn interesting. and guess what? she didnt attend the following day for the procession! HAH!

if she's around, i'm sure to attack her another blow. "wah! mum forgiven u liao isit? still got face to come arh?! or are u here to pay what u owe?"

posted by jellyfishy @ 5:12 pm