jeLLy w0RLd

punctured hopes me...

many thanks to cousins and aunties who came over to visit my mum. esp those who usually get to see during occasions such as cny.

thanks to their kind words on me. saying me a filial daughter who stays home to take care of mum at all times. or, such a pretty one who hasnt attached.

well, these words sure do make me lifted though staying home most of the time, makes me a dull girl. probably not anymore. an auntie, a better description. bun-up hair, in specs, old t-shirt and shorts, and sometimes dragging a 20mth old toddler to nearby mall. buying groceries, packed food from foodcourt, calculating every cents at supermarkets.

i have upgraded myself.

i do wish to settle down. get hitched with a prince charming. yeah right, where to get one these days? from the zoo? dream on. wake up! be realistic.

tonite's GetReal on CNA abt late parenthood, is wat i shall say, i am experiencing. my mum was 28yrs old while father was 30. they married in 1972 and had da-ge a yr later. she was 36 when she had me. now, they jus pass the 60 mark.

for da-ge, who already hitched and had a child, having parents of this age is absolutely ok.

but to me, who is fear of seniority now, think that i am pressurised with old parents. i am not upset/angry/ashamed of them. more like, i am forced to grow up. my friends' parents hasnt past the 60mark, but mine did. so, making me kinda senior whenever being with my friends.

bcoz there seem to be alot of things i've to be of care and concern to them. unlike those definant ones, who stay out late at night and has no curfews. which i am envious/jealous even. to my parents, i am a girl. their only daughter. the youngest. so, that is why they are always worried abt me.

at least, my behaviour is far better than Linda, the interviewed girl on the show. her mum had her when 45 and her dad died when she's very young. now, she's 15 and was beyond her mum's control. to me, she shouldnt feel ashame of. or wait till she grows up, she would then understand.

looking on the other side, i am forced to grow up isnt bad. at least, my situation now makes me a better person too. matured. considerate. learnt being more caring to elders. this is a learning process on appreciating ur parents at this age (at all times, should be) instead of waiting till become a mother who would then realise the meaning of filial piety.

father's cousins, who i greet as gu-gu. mentioned that "i am such a lovely daughter. sure to find a good man while working." wah... sounds very easy hor?

when young, i hoped to hav a family by 26yrs old. now? probably not gonna realising it any soon. bcoz mum's condition is my 1st priority now.

IF now, i am attached. planning for marriage anytime. it would be a difficult decision myself. i would be thinking, who would be taking care of mum? who would be sleeping with her? who would fetch her water? who to bring her to doc? who would massage for her? etc...

my man would even think of dropping the idea of marrying me bcoz i am now a liability to him. bcoz i've to devote most of my time with my mum than with him. i might even hav to take care of her full-time, without working or even to stay with my mum, and thus, neglecting his needs.

read mr. yeo's blog. "MUSINGS: great job, great partner, bliss. what more can i ask for? i am content. you complete me." Hmm... i've asked before abt his status. he replied that these statements were to make his ex jealous for not cherishing him.

i am gullible. trusted him. now? i am not sure.

i should puncture my hopes waiting though still pinning. so, any takers interested for owning a liability?

posted by jellyfishy @ 11:59 pm