jeLLy w0RLd

thinking more...

refering to last post. mentioning in the last section abt me scaring chris. Wahaha... sounds horrific, am i? bcoz i honestly spoke my feelings to him and he fled. no longer joking with me. avoiding me even in the office when all our wacky colleagues smelt fishy.
at least, i realised that probably some guys are afraid when a girl declared she like him. wat's wrong with them? cant they accept it nor reply nicely ta wont hurt the girl? are they insensitive animals? foolish or wat?
so as not to make myself foolish nor scaring another victim outta my sight, i would keep quiet. probably would keep my feelings. not being generous to anyone who show his basic care to me. i would be a cold blooded being.

HEY. wait a minute! why must i be weaken jus bcoz of a man?!
btw, wat's wrong with me? physically? mentality? emotionally? wat does a man really wants in his woman?
~PHYSICALLY: i am not a C-cup person. but i proud of being a petite chest size. at least, jas envious of my small chest. wahahah... has a slight bulge but has been working towards a washboard whenever i could remember to do crunches. which is once in a blue moon. carrying a 14+kg toddler at home is my best workout.
i do not have a gorgeous face. i cant do full colorful make-up like those air-stewardess/models. i cant draw eye-liner nor eye shadow. it took me a yr+ to practice drawing my eyebrows which i'm satisfied with. i am jus a plain Lily.
~MENTALITY: childish at times. has been trying to act grown up. but being too serious is boring for me. not my kinda coffee. keeping myself happy, keeps wrinkles away!
i get jealous easily. chewing sour lemons. for instance, chris and his current gf, calvin(my 1st and ex bf) and his current gf, and many many things. which then leading to my grumpy and nagging power. but these are usually kept in my heart or else, here in the blog. unless someone wanna a slice of the cake.
~EMOTIONALLY: my emotions are stupidly stressed recently. uncontrollable at times esp in classes with monkeys. or sheding tears to my pillow; upset abt mum or other things with that word - relationship. i wouldnt show my sadness to any friends easily. only to those who are dearest to me.
i would put on my best happiest mask to ppl. even to those i curse and swear at.

things are never going the way i expect... things are never perfect...
** i wanted a loving, caring partner and to live happily ever after. just like many fairy tales with prince charming and beautiful princess. ended up with a partner who cares for me very much at a wrong time. who my family objects. and squabblings arises. well, that's past. i'm searching for next.
** always wished my relationship with mum could be as close as like friends. but, it never happen. mum is a pessimist while i'm a happy-go-lucky one. she never could understand why i must go out with frends for movies or food. probably she expects a man to knock on my door and pak-toh in my house instead. wahaha...

posted by jellyfishy @ 11:59 pm