jeLLy w0RLd

tolerance draining me...

it's pouring out now. again. heavy and sudden. chilly.

wanted to check my lasalle mailbox but service was down. need to make an appt with my dean for approval on my deferment for next sem in coming jan. as i need to provide medical documents of my mum's health condition, i only kept her medical certficate. reading the principal diagnosis as MALIGNANT LEFT PLEURAL EFFUSION (ADENOCARCINOMA).
i wasnt notice these big words initally till this time, when i check up the meanings of every word in dictionary.

MALIGNANT: (of a tumor) growing harmfully and uncontrollably
PLEURAL/pleurisy: inflammation of the membrance around the lungs
EFFUSION: outpouring
ADENOCARCINOMA: a malignant tumor orignating in glandular tissue
by reading the 1st meaning, it's understandable. no one in the family studied medical, therefore, no one bothers to look up these words.

recalling the day that doc reviewed her condition...
D: we couldnt find the source of the tumor. the best way to stablise her condition is chemo. the tumor keeps producing soo much fluid in her lungs that makes her breathing difficult, like panting. (~so this is where the outpouring comes from when they extracted 4litres of fluid from her lungs~)

as usual, i went into the room and ask when did she had her medication. she sounded pissed, not wanting me to meddle.
"jus now la! i dun want to drink that lingzhi la! i dont feel any improvement in my health at all."
so is it abt 8pm?
"i keep feeling cold. it doesnt bring me any warmth! i dont want lah! u dont kpo!"
slience helps to keep my cool. and off i step outta da room.
2 hours later, i brewed the lingzhi drink and brought it to her. still, she doesnt sound happy at all. i left it on the desk and outta room. hope that she doesnt pour the drink into the toilet bowl or outta da window.

i felt sad today. recalling watever she said.
earlier in the evening, she asked me to call off the photo shoot again. this's the 2nd time. i replied forcefully that it cant be or the deposit will be forfeit. also, mentioned that there would be everyone of us around to be with u. sis-in-law to pacify her, added that the shoot would only be awhile.

mum hates waiting. she's never a patience person to wait. to her, even a min is like a yr.
jus like yesterday, she and i waited at the uob new branch at rivervale mall for an hour and half! actually, i am pissed at the service too, but i didnt flare. we were there to collect my bro's passbook and his wife i/c. bcoz the nite b4, we came down to hav a fixed deposit account opened. as the bank was closed for the day, the banker requested us to come down during the opening hours so as to witness that the procedures are done. and, they kept my bro's passbook and his wife's i/c to make sure that we would come down. however, it's took too long with only 2 counters!
i was carrying baby all the time, to prevent her from running around the bank as if it's her playground. we went to the foodcourt as mum had a putum hitam. we shopped at watson. still, there's nothing we could do when banking is the only agenda in our mind and not shopping. mum kept mumbling that she wants to leave and i hushed her.

i think my tolerance is draining me. hope it's pms symptoms only. there's a long way and difficult obstacles to overcome still.

posted by jellyfishy @ 11:37 pm