jeLLy w0RLd

draggy me...

first of all, many thanx to mackie for her valuable advice. she read my previous entry and talk thru me. it's wasnt harsh. jus some short lines thru msn.

things that truly reveal abt my dragginess... issues that i couldnt answer...
~ i am too much into him. too dependent.
~ since his abandon on april, why am i still dragging?
~ only make excuses for him
~ making clear now, so that the issue wont disrupt my mentality working on schoolwork
~ why bargain for giving him grace period till end of the yr?

"companionship, and not love." this statement is to remind myself not to fall deeply with him, bcoz it is sure that my family wont ever allow his presence. i've to control myself. i must be prepared to make clean cut with him when upon my family knows. or, when i met someone new and better than him. at least knowing that i could still survive without him.

what's my purpose of giving him grace period till the yr end? will it help? will he realise my loneliness? will he still be busy then?

making clear now, wouldnt it be easier for me to focus to work on schoolwork? i wouldnt be blogging too. bcoz jus busy working and doing work. i would be in better state of mind in achieving great score.

still, i cant straightaway cut it off. i need time to adjust. adjusting back to single status, which belonging to no one.
adjusting lifestyle that i travel alone on public transport; no more of him to drive me home.
adjust to eat alone and frugally; no more of moments with him for feasting @tamako jap family rest along thomson road.
adjust to limit my own expenses; no more of him paying my demands.
adjusting everything of two to being one.

yep. i am jus making excuses. we do fight. but after awhile, we are back again. it's never ending, like a vicious cycle.

now he is busy. very busy. not even on sunday when his soul is not with me. i cant feel any his presence. his mind is all abt his work, and not me. whenever i told him sth abt me, he actually forgets and accused me that i didnt mention before! i confronted him, he denies it.

his sweet-talks is getting untrustworthy anymore. but i still believe him stupidly.

nothing from him today. no call. no sms. as usual...

posted by jellyfishy @ 11:59 pm