jeLLy w0RLd

wat's in me...

this is the 2nd entry for the day. meaning, i'm bored today, as usual, like no other speciality.

trashed with 3 past issues cleo mags. flipped thru, fast read the titles, tear/cut the passage i wanted to complie into a file. from fashion, beauty tips and exercises pages. however, i am confused on how i should arrange appropriately. by issue or by sections?

our last meeting was on monday evening for dinner. i cant remb now that wat did i have that day. i cant recall anything that happened that day. i feel that i am like a social partner of his now. due to his unstable/irregular working hours, we seldom get together these days. and i get cranky more and easily.

apparently, i flare up in most calls these days. i always hang up his calls as he starts his explaining on why he cant meet up with me or enlightening me to understand his workload. also, i tear in most calls.

i wished to understand ur feelings but there are things lingering on my mind for a long time liao, since the day we started being together. i must flare up to put our relationship a stop sooner or later. i will feel better mentally whenever my family asks me abt my partnership status. i wont have to lie any longer. i will not feeling guilty.

but, he kinda knows howda handle my temper. he's never mad at me on how much anger i vent. kinda invincible huh? see how much u can tolerate for how long?

i need a companion. and that's him. that's why i started going together with him. he has all the time and attention on me at the beginning. knowing that we are 16yrs apart, but due to his tender, loving and care, my heart soften although i wanna a pretty boy, just like the other girls would love to. he's not attractive on the outside. jus was mesmerized with his affection towards me.

but now? he is unable to spare his time, only weekends. i do not like that bcoz i've to lie to family abt my outing. i compromised and requested for a weekDAY get together with me. well, this goes on for only 2weeks! and no more!

remembered on 20jun2003, when we just started, was when my bro who acted as an ah-beng confronted him. i hated both men. they are showing their mcp characters. now, whenever he sends me home, we have to be extra careful for any eyes on us. fearing that my bro might spot us and make a big fuss again. i dont wanna see the ah-beng and ah-seng quarreling. that's such an ugly scene! that's a shame! i feel soo embarrassing!

i wanna live on an enjoyable life but not that i hav to fear of this and that whenever we are out. i cant hold his arms on those dangerous places which might be spotted by family/friends of mine, esp tampines and yishun. i cant show and tell proudly that he's my man in front of my family.

so how? wat should i do? to continue the relationship underground or be aggressive to end this relationship once and for all? re-engergised with the flirty me towards other guys? hopefully, on Dr. adrian liew, the specialist @ttsh who takes care of my mum's condition. btw, are u attached? i've been eyeing on ur fingers for a long time. u are not wearing any ring, so i assume u are single and hopefully available. would u pin ur eyes on me? wuahaha... siao liao...

posted by jellyfishy @ 11:59 pm