jeLLy w0RLd

happy & unhappy me...

the happy me starts with a dream this morning...

i was waking to the bright sun shinning onto my eyes on my wedding day which i actually overslept! and ill-prepared! usually wedding is a big day esp for those traditional chinese who needs to go thru rituals, but mine's not. the whole house only has the sleepy me on the bed and my mum who is looking after baby ying.

where are the rest of the ppl? and since if such a big day, why arent anyone wake me? comparing to my bro's wedding day, i'm a loser!...

upon realising that today's my big day finally, i rose from my bed and staring at a beautiful white gown lying on mum's bed. as usual, she screamed "WAKE UP!!!" while carrying baby ying from bedroom to the hall. that was so annoying!

havent fully recovering from sleep, i stumbled stupidly for shower, dressed the gown, self-tidied hair and veil. but, the issue of "who's my groom?" never came across my mind. *haiz... until, i stepped out of the room with the shabbily dressed, i saw my groom sitting on the sofa in the hall, waiting for me! Wuahaha... wat a strange concept?

well, i am very happy with my groom! he's Dr. adrian liew! that's a great catch from god, man!

enough of that dream. having too much of hullacination is bad for one's health. i might end up in IMH one day if i continue having this.

here comes the UNhappy side of me...

my sugar daddy is not free again. today, tml and mayb for the rest of the week.

he had his wisdom tooth extracted last nite after sending me home ard 7.30pm. i tot that he could take a rest day at home if the pain still lingers and hinder him to work. but, no. no call nor sms from him, telling me that he's off to work. as wat we agreed on in the last fight that he should at least sms me that he cant meet me for the day, empty promises again...

until i called him making sure if i couldnt answer his call earlier, it was him. guess wat? abt ten minutes later, he called. thinking that mayb he wanna a short meet for lunch, i was wrong. he's asking me for a favor, as usual. wanted me to forward an e-mail for him from his mailbox. my heart shattered...

later in the noon, i arranged an interview at tml noon. i msg jas if she could meet me for kara after that, but she cant. SO, i try my luck with him again. as i already expected his answer, why do the heck i still bother to sms him?

alas, he got home. after listening that he cant, i was mute again. i was sad. i've been tearing for every phonecall when we fight, this time, i dont wanna tear again. just blame on myself that i shouldnt have try my luck asking him. wasting my sms limit only.

there's alot of unhappiness clogging in my heart that i dont have any ppl to share. looking at my list of frens from friendster and msn, the closest person to throw all this shit on is jasmine. but, thinking that she has her own life to enjoy/fuss too, i dont wanna to add more to her shoulders, so been keeping everything to myself. I'M HAVING A MID-LIFE CRISIS! i have been tearing to sleep sometimes. this should be the most unhappiness schoolholiday that i come across with.

had a mini-chat with jas on msn, one of her words strike me. INDEPENDENT! yesh, i was an independent one after ending the relationship with calvin. but, i fall back on my behavior and became a very sticky dependent one after meeting this daddy. i cant return to wat/who i am now. i'm totally dependent on him. seem like i really need a companion to wherever i go. if i cant get him to go with me, i will ask for the next closest fren, who most prob ended up with jas again.

as he knows abt jas, he will push his available escort status to jas easily. yah, very easily.

had been imagining that if scarcity of get-together really lighten this relationship, wat/how will we be like? mayb this period of we cant get-together is a training period for me to be independent again. i must get on my foot again. be strong! be independent again!


sweet memories are always short-lived. is that why they could linger in our mind to ask for more?

posted by jellyfishy @ 11:59 pm