jeLLy w0RLd

depressing me...

mum couldnt sleep last nite bcoz she finished her sleeping pills. she wants me to purchase more. so, we walked with ying to the clinic.
mum complained to the doc abt her aches. yesterday, she had stomachache and constipation. but there was more. she spoke soo much to the doc. asking the doc for a stronger sleeping pill ta allow her to sleep forever. *siao liao~ what's happening? what has she been thinking?*
luckily, doc explained ta she has been too depressed; brooding over negative thoughts. even though, to swallow all the sleeping pills, it wont kill her rightaway nor even hav to rush to hospital.
funny is ta she didnt take her usual medications. not taking her high blood, cholesterol, diabetes. saying it's hard to swallow and making her nauseous. but why does she has interest to take other pills?
still, doc gave her 20 tablets of sleeping pills and for constipation. now, she feels grumpy abt doc for not giving her body relaxant.

thoughts running thru me. down with a week old flu and cough. voice gets coarse. dont feel like going to work today. feeling uneasy after hearing her saying those.
Things hav to be re-adjusted somewhere.
~ shall I discuss with boss abt working on weekends only?
~ my resignation letter to be ready asap.
~ job-hopping to JuliaGabriel with ex-colleagues where JG encourages career advancement and training? And more $$?

when i got home at half past six. da-sao told me ta mum taken the sleeping pills rightafter her dinner. *that's too early to sleep!*
mum's been coughing very much. so much ta she threw up some saliva into the bathroom's sink. i asked her. she jus shooed me away. till then, da-sao asked me to bring mum to bed bcoz she dozed off on a chair while still in the bathroom! seeing her head nodding off the chair anytime, breaks my heart so. she was too drowsy with her half-opened eyes. she couldnt stand upright bcoz the sleeping pill is taking effect. da-sao helped me to lift her to her bed when i felt better to take some dinner. however, was afraid ta she might be awake later in the nite when the sleeping pill effect died.
true enough, she awakes 3hr later. i had a chat with her in the dark room. counselling her to share her worries with me as i'm her daughter. i tried my best and was tearing again when she mentioned i'm not a doc to cure her. she expects pills and not chatting.
*who to understand my pain?*
as she cant swallow too many pills, i suggested to grind those pills to powder which might be easier to swallow. she rejected but i'll still try anyway tml.
as she claims no vitality to stand and cook, i asked for her to teach me to cook instead. i'll be marketing tml morning for dinner. i suggested for dumplings bcoz hadnt had ta for long and i missed them very much.
then, she stepped to the hall and sat on the sofa. had some biscuits. and asked me for another pill! when i had just finished typing the resignation letter.

tendering the resignation letter this sun. my last day of employment will be a mth's later, that is, 22feb.

posted by jellyfishy @ 11:59 pm