jeLLy w0RLd

insensible me...

another call-less day from my sugar daddy today. last nite, i claimed my status from a full-timer to part-timer and now a weekend lover. however, he hasnt been dialling my number since friday till now. so, am i still considered as a weekend lover? or a new status, "will call u when i'm free" lover?

am i really silenced? or was he really busy that he couldnt call me? is he out of sg? when is he free for me?

keep thinking that he might be out of sg, i called his mobile using my house phone which would show as private number. the ring tone is local. i let it ring for twice and hung up. thinking tat he probably would dial to me to check, but there's nothing till now for already past 10hrs.

i do really want to call him, to ask him out. however, i might be disturbing him if he is really with his cilent or he really busy. bcoz i do encounter this and had been a few times already...

moi: hello. not free ah?
him: ya. really not free. (sound occupied)
moi: then when are u free? (disappointed/depressed/apologetic)
him: i dunno. now with a cilent. will call u when i get home hor.
moi: ok
and he hung up the phone without saying a bye...

we realised that we have been fighting over the phone bcoz of his inavailability. his standard explanations are, ...

1. "i am working hard for our brisbane trip for the end of the yr. i'm grabbing all opportunities i could now so that we could enjoy the trip later.
2. "my inventories and other stuff crop up. if i dont make any necessary arrangement now, all my biz contacts will be lost and i will incur lossess too."
3. "i know u would understand my situation now. jus tolerate for a few days more. i'll bring u out for a feast when i'm done."

so, i wouldnt want to be rejected again. i would rather wait for a surprise, probably over the weekends. but nothing. just nothing happened. no phone ringing and sms every moment i picked my hp to check. demoralising. my heart was shedding tears.

is this his revenge on behalf of calvin chan? bcoz he knows how and why i broke off with him. he might hav deemed that i'm an villain, and that's why, i'm downed in this silence.

till today, he doesnt know abt my job, rounds of interviews i've been thru, my class's new timetable, and definitely my moods for these days.

~~~~~~~
was reading rose's blog on friendster. she shared some meaningful words that i find them very suitable for my situation now.

"Be happy always... Those who have hurt u in the past cannot continue to hurt u now unless u hold on the pain thru resentment. your past is the past! nothing will change it. u are only hurting urself with ur bitterness.
MOVE ON. GO AND FIND THE PURPOSE DRIVEN UR LIFE. LIFE WILL BE MORE MEANINFUL."

yah... be happy always. that's what i always use as an advice to frens. it sounds easy to say verbally but it's a very difficult task to do it. how do u grade ur happiness? by smiling and laughing? or being with someone who gives u TLC physically and psychologically, which i most wish for it now?

had booked jas for kara and shopping tml. hoped i could really enjoy myself and could be a sensible one for not thinking of that dumber for a day. be prepared for a new start on working and schooling on the following day.

posted by jellyfishy @ 11:59 pm