jeLLy w0RLd

shallowed me...

went to watch separation 40 last nite @esplanade recital studio. it's was paid by school.
as usual, my mind drifted elsewhere during some dry segments in the show. kept trying to focus but lost direction still. i enjoyed some singing and funny sections though, esp laughing at chua enlai's sickening face.

met up with team mates for a short discussion. after discussing a little on HRM, we gone thru our assessment due dates and realising that we all have been lazing around. and workload is piling up to our necks, making us breathless.

i must strive for high points just like my classmates. we all wanna be the 1st class honours scholar. however there's only 4 of us, that makes our competition so tough. but hope that this doesnt affect our friendship.

telling so much in mind to work hard, but nothing ever change in me. i should be doing my research now instead blogging. i am always looking at my calendar. crossing out every other passing days, just like a cancerous patient counting her surviving days to death.

my sugar daddy didnt contact me since wednesday nite, when he came to pick me up. i picked a fight with him, as usual. probably due to my imbalance of hormones on the 1st day of menstruation. i cant remember wat i fight for that day, but it's sure to be my request for having dinner with me.

we dint talk much in the car on the trip back my home. my answers were cold and short. i dint turn to his side to look at him.

oh ya! remembering it now. i cant tolerate his absence for me during the weekdays. he was always busy. no calls. no sms. nothing from him to even saying hi.
on the phonecall, he requested me to tolerate for another 6mths of his absence. i requested till end of the yr. he said the time is too short for him to settle his stuff, and why cant i jus tolerate for another 3mths.
well, he dint realise that i've been abandoned since april. it's sept now, abt 5mths. i really cant bear it.
as usual, our phone conversation is interrupted. me, starting to count the days to the last of 2005.

it was such a big fall. when we 1st met, he could give me all his time to accompany, tease me and watever. now, i cant. i sick of him telling me to understand his busy schedule.
our phone conversations had to cut off whenever another call interrupts on his side. i silence myself while telling him a joke when his mobile rings. or, cant chat with him when i want to in the middle of the nite bcoz he's in jb.

i need more time for myself. to be alone. to realise the real person in me. it will be better if someone could lend me his/her shoulder or ear to listen to my cries. or, someone who is trustworthy and could provide me security that i can be with for the rest of my life.
1stly, time has to heal my mental problem.

posted by jellyfishy @ 11:59 pm